I keep going back to that first night, well the “second” first night she slept at my place, and what it meant to me. Get your minds out of the smut gutter, it was nearly two months after we started again, before we even took that leap.That second first night was anything but romantic, I was emotionally exhausted, worn down to almost nothing by the time we nearly crawled into my bed. She held me most of that night. I had told her everything about Emma, every detail of that night twelve years before and she never once looked at me like I was a nutjob. It was the true beginning of us. The beginning of a relationship that I was truly ready for. We settled into a good rhythm after that night dating like we were teenagers, with the joy of those sleepovers too.
Two months in we finally moved a little further. I had waited and waited for her to be ready and then when she was, I crashed and burned. I panicked something fierce, melting down like a toddler at the littlest hint of imperfection with my nutso body. It wasn’t the first time I thought we might be coming to an end but it was worse than the first time. Seven days before we spoke and my need for her became overwhelming I groveled and showered her with flowers and even a letter…yes a handwritten letter. When she found me out on the deck, a six pack in, with tears in her eyes it nearly broke me. I’d warned her in the beginning that I would need help off that ledge but I never imagined that it would be that bad.
I need you, Elliot… I want to feel you inside me…
That’s what triggered my meltdown. Those simple words that most guys would jump for joy at. We’d been getting closer and closer to that point and I thought I was prepared, I was but not mentally. Her and I had talked about it, what it would be like so often that I thought maybe that was enough. I was wrong. Like so many other times, I’d glossed over the fact that for me it wasn’t a regular experience and it meant that her experience would be different too. I’d kept the dirty details from her. When it finally started to happen I wasn’t prepared, I hadn’t taken anything and as much as I willed little Elliot to cooperate, well he had other plans. So there we were in the throws of passion and nothing, nada, zip, zilch… I pretty much lost my mind when she uttered those words and lost my cool in the process. I pulled away so fast her head could have easily fell right off of her shoulders. I didn’t expect the reaction I had, and while I tried to keep it together it didn’t happen. I left her lying on my bed, half naked, while I threw myself a pity party for one in my bathroom.
I finally emerged to find her dressed and ready to leave.
“Taylor, I…” I said not sure how to handle it.
“Don’t Elliot, don’t even think for one second that I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. I watched just now as you retreated so far into your mind that I was shocked you were still coherent enough to get out of bed. I’m going home. When you decide that you are really ready, you let me know, okay?” she blurted out as she stalked across my bedroom.
I heard the door slam shut, still sitting there in only a pair of ripped up jeans. The scowl on her face the only thing I could focus on. She caught me in a moment of weakness, one that I should have explained a little more, a little better and with a whole lot more couth.
Days went by while I stewed in my own stupidity. I tried calling, texting, and nothing worked. She was angry. I told Joe about the issue and he agreed that, in the end, I should have opened up to her more about it. After all, it was my issue, not hers. I knew that. So I started five days into our no talking week and wrote her a letter, by hand, with a pen. I know what you all are thinking, not typed, not dictated? Nope. I meant business with that letter. I wanted her to see that I was making an effort to be expressive about something that I didn’t want to before. It ended up being three pages, three long drawn out pages of all the shit I wanted to say but couldn’t. I drove straight to a florist and picked out the most awesome arrangement of wildflowers and attached the letter myself. Sappy, I know but I needed her, wanted her in my life and I was willing to do whatever it took to keep her happy. I had it delivered that night and still I heard nothing for two whole agonizing days. When a week surfaced I found myself out on the back deck, already through a six pack and wallowing in my own dumb-assery. I never expected to see her when I heard the side gate open, I thought it would be Ethan, who I still wasn’t back to normal with. There she was though, tear marks down her face, red blotchy patches on her cheeks. It broke my heart. I physically felt the pain of those tears in my soul.
She didn’t say a word as she walked over to me on the lounger. Still silent as she planted her butt in my chair next to me, she just watched me. I tried to find a string of words to put together but I came up empty and I just closed my mouth. We sat there for quite some time before she made a move.
She positioned herself next to me while I scooted over to give her some space. I held her there until I felt her shivering in my arms as the night grew dark, relishing in the way her body fit so perfectly against mine. I couldn’t feel her legs tangled with mine, and I couldn’t tell how tightly she was holding her arm around my stomach but damn could I see it.
“Let’s go in…” I said finally ready to leave this moment.
“Okay,” she whispered as she started to climb off the lounger.
In silence we made our way into the house, flipping on lights as we entered. I followed her to my bedroom ducking quickly into the bathroom to be ready for anything that could or would happen, I wasn’t going to let this be a thing. I came out to find her curled up on my bed, in one of my t-shirts and from what I could tell nothing else. My heart started racing the minute I realized that this was what I had been waiting for my entire life.
“I… I… yeah if you know you want to… I took…” I muttered like a thirteen-year-old.
“I hoped so…” she answered my blabbering, making her way to me on her hands and knees until her face was close to mine.
Silently she pressed her lips to mine before reaching down to find the hem of my shirt. I sat there in awe of this woman, as she pulled my shirt over my head. Exposing the distinct line where the muscles of my chest met flab. No hesitation at all as she climbed down from the bed to sit on my lap and trailed kisses from my ears down to that line. I could feel the heat coursing through my body, the parts I could feel anyways, as she nipped at the skin along that line. I moved my hands to cup her bare ass as she continued to taunt me with little love bites at my ears and neck. I’d never thought it would feel like this, never imagined it would feel so good to have her hands and mouth exploring what ultimately defined my insecurities.
I don’t know how long we’d been sitting there like that when she suddenly stilled, “Let’s get on the bed, handsome…” she breathed into my neck, moving to stand.
I pulled her back down ravaging her mouth, not ready to end this passion, “Not yet…”
“Elliot, it’s time, I want to be able to explore you…” she said pulling away.
I hesitantly let her go, watching her as she flaunted that tight little ass in front of me as she climbed onto my bed. I lined up to follow and was shocked at the strain on my jeans my dick was making. I looked from it to her and caught her smiling, “I told you it was time.” I quickly transferred over positioning my legs before settling down, still hyper aware of the now tented protrusion. Screech to a halt here for a minute, I’d had reflex erections, and had even tested this magic pill out a few times to make sure that my heart wasn’t going to explode or anything crazy, but this, this was the most active it had been in years, so yeah I was cheesing like a kid at Christmas.
She seductively unbuttoned my jeans, never breaking eye contact with me as we moved into this new territory. I watch in awe, lifting a little here and there to help her get my jeans down and finally she tossed them aside, and worked at my boxers. I’ve never experienced anything quite like this, I was always the lead as far as the bedroom was concerned. She was killing me as she slowly repeated the process with those damn boxers, inching them down over my erection, so slowly, until finally, it sprang free. I watched as she palmed my length, the damn uncooperative now so compliant. Slowly she removed her hand and moved up to straddle my torso, I could faintly feel the pressure there where her ass had taken up residence and the heat inside me started to boil. I gently guided her backward until she was hovering above me, I held her there for a few seconds before watching as she guided me inside of her.
The look on her face as her body swallowed me whole was overwhelming. A small part of me wished I could feel just how tight she was, how her body felt around me, but I greedily pushed it aside as I let my thumb come to rest in her sensitive spot. Watching her as she bucked a little at the pressure was undoing me. Her body moving slowly up and down until she lowered herself over mine and when she nipped again at that wretched line I felt this rush, this immediate pressure releasing. It was like nothing I’d ever felt before and it was god damned satisfying. I could feel the parts of my body I can feel go rigid, tense then relax. The look she was giving me was pure evil, like she’s got my number and she’s going to keep calling it over and over until I’m so exhausted that I can’t move at all. I lazily cupped her ass and began to move her up and down, faster as I saw the elation on her face. She cried out as her body shuddered above me and I knew that she’d come as I felt her muscles relax.
I pulled her up towards me a little more as she giggled when I was finally pulled free from her body, two can play at this game ran through my mind. I let my fingers dance across her skin, the tender soft flesh at my disposal, until finally, I found the spot I was looking for. I could still feel her body pulsing as my fingers gently entered her body, my thumb adding pressure to that spot again as she writhed beside me, it was my turn now.
“Elliot,” she breathes.
“Come on cupcake, I saw what your plans were, and I’ll tell you two-waytwo way street…” I tease as I moved my fingers faster and faster, watching as she could barely keep control.
I’d driven her over the edge no less than five times when she mustered up the strength to overtake me, her small hands pinning mine to the mattress.
“Two way street, Elliot,” she teased, sliding down the length of me a little rougher than the first time.
I watched in utter shock as she bucks, soft and gentle at first and then as her speed increased she let go of my hands to trail her fingers over the sensitive area that she hit before, and leaned into nibble at my ear. I was feeling that feeling again, the small fire burning me up until I went taught and then shuddered with relaxation. Where did she learn this, I thought briefly as thought again became available to me. I glanced at the alarm clock and amazement filled me as I realized we had been at this for almost four hours. Four hours! After all the fear and stupidity of that night a week ago I was mentally kicking myself because this was easily the best sexual experience I’ve ever had, in my life and I almost missed it.
“Elliot… where did you go just then?” she asked softly as she traced circles on my chest.
“That was amazing…” I managed to speak.
“Agreed…” she smiled at me.
I looked at the length of us sprawled on my bed, realizing that the magic was starting to wear away. Things were returning to normal and I should probably hit the head…no pun intended.
“Stay right here, do not get dressed…” I commanded as I moved towards the edge of the bed.
“Yes, handsome…” she teased back.
I stared at myself in the mirror for a while before returning to her. I couldn’t believe that it could be this flipping awesome but I wasn’t done with her yet. I wheeled to a stop and patted the edge of the bed for her to come to me before I popped the brakes on my chair. Easily she obliged and I gently pulled her forward close to the edge. I leaned in and lay her back down, pulling her legs up over to straddle my shoulders smoothly. Closer and closer till I disappeared into her waiting form. I marveled in the way her body moved at my insistence and my touch. This was almost as satisfying as anything else we’ve done. Watching her squirm, her enjoy what I could give her, is a freaking awesome feeling.
I’m a little unsure where it is that I’m at for the first few seconds after I let my eyes slide open until I feel his arm around me, cocooning me into him. I can hear his heart beating, steady under my ear as I realize I’m using him as a pillow. I relive briefly the nights events as I lie there still. Yeah that happened, and I can’t wait for it to happen again. It was the most incredible sexual experience I’ve ever had, and I don’t know if it was because I’ve never loved anyone like this or if it is because Elliot is just that amazing. I feel his arm tighten around me and I know that he is about to wake.
“Morning cupcake…” he says, his voice still thick with sleep.
“Morning,” I answer.
“I didn’t dream that did I?” he asks with a low chuckle, that I can feel vibrate his chest.
“Nope,” I say propping myself up to look at him.
There is a stream of light bouncing over his features, highlighting the longer than normal stubble that has taken up residence on his face. He must not have shaved yesterday, I think to myself as I trace a circle on his chest with my finger. I watch him as he scrubs his free hand over his face, trying to scrub the sleep away. Jolted out of my viewing his phone starts ringing.
“You should get it,” I say rolling away from him.
He eyes me before reaching for the phone, frowning when he looks at the screen before bringing it up to his ear.
“Hey Ethan, what’s up?” he asks
I watch him some more before I search for his discarded tshirt from last night and head to the bathroom. I’m brushing my teeth when I realize where I should be. “Oh shit….” I panick, running back into the bedroom to find a shit eating grin on Elliots face.
“You supposed to be somewhere today, cupcake?” he chuckles, as I glance at the clock.
“Shit, shit shit…tell them I’ll be there in a half an hour,” I say scrambling to find my pants.
“We will meet you for breakfast in half an hour…” he laughs, winking at me.
How does he always pick the best times to wink at me I’ll never know. I watch as he plops himself into his chair and disappears into the bathroom while I hurriedly try to make myself presentable.
“You have a few changes of clothes in the top left drawer, Taylor,” he calls out to me.
I pull the drawer open and am not surprised to find my clothes living there beside his, neatly folded. I stare at them for a moment before pulling out a pair of jeans and v-neck shirt I’d left a few weeks before. How normal it feels to be taking my things from his drawer is not lost on me as I listen to him humming in the bathroom, the door almost closed. I wonder sometimes what it is that he won’t let me in on just yet, I mean I know what he has to do, he’s mentioned it before but he has yet to completely let me in there with him. Occasionally we brush our teeth together but that’s about it. I don’t think too much about it because I know I’ve gotten more from him than he ever thought he’d be able to give, but I wonder if down the road he will still harbor those insecurities.
I’m pulling on my jeans as he emerges, I was expecting a clean shaven Elliot but his stubble is still present as he grins at me. He’s managed to shape his longer than normal hair into a faux hawk which makes me smile back at him.
“You should let your hair grow a little on the top, Elliot, give me a chance to see that rebellious side with a faux hawk…” I’d joked with him one Sunday at his parents house as we flipped through his mothers latest project of filling photo albums. Here he was an almost perfect copy of that photo, minus the standing and the motorcycle. I still wonder sometimes how he can have this wild streak and still be so wickedly smart to be a physician. The contrast between his personal and professional sides is dramatic most of the time but then he’ll start spouting about this or that disease and I see how he does it. How easily he can combine the two worlds when needed. Maybe I’ve just never had the opportunity to love my day job quite as much as he loves his. I still work for someone else most of the time as opposed to living my dream. He has that though.
“Taylor?” he asks as I feel his fingertips trail along my arm.
“Huh? Oh sorry. Lost in thought there for a second,” I finally respond.
“I asked if you needed to stop at your place on the way,” he says laughing.
“Yes, all of my gear is there…I can’t believe I forgot about Becca’s maternity shoot today,” I answer
“I wouldn’t worry about it,” he said nonchalantly as he pulled a tshirt over his head.
“Just because it’s your family doesn’t mean I can flake on them, they are still clients…” I said in a huff.
“Tay, relax. Ethan said he only called because they hadn’t left yet and were wondering why you weren’t answering your phone,” he chuckled.
“What? Where is it?” I asked searching the room, realizing I must have left it in the car.
“I haven’t seen it…I didn’t see you come in last night so I don’t know what you had with you,” he said his smile fading some.
“I left everything in the car, I didn’t know if I was staying or not…” I said stopping my rushed movements to really look at him.
“I’m glad you did…” he said with a wink.
“Me too,” I said brushing a quick peck on his cheek.